Pride Pals Initiative
Lifestyle Feature
Beyond He/She,
Rewriting the Binary
Pronoun System
By: Jacquelyn Vun Xuan, Josie Lim and Toh Yong Jie
A protester carries a sign at an LGBT rally in New York.
(Photo by: Erik Mcgregor/Zuma Press/Newscom)
In the past, society often categorised individuals into male and female or used pronouns such as "He" and "She." However, with the increasing understanding and acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community, people have started using more appropriate pronouns based on their personal preferences. By using pronouns that align with an individual's gender identity, we demonstrate our support for their self-identification and contribute to boosting their confidence and dignity. Simultaneously, in Malaysia, where the LGBTQ+ topic is relatively sensitive and conservative, the choice of pronouns becomes a crucial element in building an open and inclusive society.
Aside from the binary pronouns, pronouns such as they, ze, xe, ver, te and ey have come into sight of the community. It is tricky and complicated for someone who knows this for the first time to feel confused about it. However, this has been normalised among the LGBTQ+ community in Malaysia nowadays. College student Marha Binti Abd Razak, 19, a member of the LGBTQ+ community, observes the spread of awareness of the usage of pronouns among Malaysians. "Quite a number of people I meet would usually ask about my preferred pronouns, which is not a norm we used to have," he said. This positive change is something the Malaysian LGBTQ+ community is pleased to witness. "Especially the younger generation, they are more open about it, and it is amazing to see," he added.
Optional LGBTQ+ pronouns
(Photo by: Lifestyle Asia Website)
As someone who prefers to be called he/she, he is more comfortable with masculine pronouns and terms. When someone addresses him as "he", he will feel more comfortable and confident, "Because I know that I am surrounded by people who care about me and respect me." However, the recent trends in pronouns are somewhat unfamiliar to Malaysian society, and they may need to pay more attention to pronoun changes due to the traditional forms of address. Despite Marha preferring to be referred to as 'he, ' he still does not object to others addressing him as 'she' or 'her. ' "After I introduce my new pronouns to my childhood friends, they still address me as she, and I do not feel upset because I did not assume they would put effort into getting used to this," Marha added. Due to a limited understanding of pronouns in Malaysia, mutual understanding and joint efforts have become crucial for both sides to build a more inclusive and open society.
Izzabella Yeo Mei Ling, 19, a college student who prefers being addressed as they/them, mentions that it is essential for everyone to normalise the use of preferred pronouns. "This can make people comfortable in themselves and their surroundings," Izzabella added. As someone who identifies outside the binary gender system, Izzabella is essential in correct pronoun usage. "For me, it means a lot that someone sees me and respects my identity. It helps me feel more comfortable, safe, and accepted. It's like they actually like me as a person and not just see me as the gender, like a man or a woman," they added.
Izzabella also highlighted that in her mother tongue, Malay, pronouns may matter less than they are already gender-neutral. However, when someone mispronounces them, they will feel unrespected or frustrated. "It can lead to a lot of mental health issues and affect self-esteem more than people realise," Izzabella highlighted the impact of mispronunciations on them. Izzabella has a pessimistic view regarding the awareness of pronouns in Malaysia. "Compared with younger LGBTQ+ people, older generations lack understanding, and pronoun usage is often ignored or misunderstood. Overall, there is a level of ignorance in society." Izzabella said this to describe the use of pronouns in our conservative society.
University student Aasheeka S.Saren, 19, agreed that clarifying preferred pronouns with someone is inevitable among the LGBTQ+ community. “Because I want to feel comfortable among the people with me. I want them to recognise and identify my personal preference,” said Asheeka, who is a member of the LGBTQ+ community.
However, Aasheeka said it is necessary to generalise the use of pronouns outside of the LGBTQ+ community, too. “I have met people who prefer to be known by their preferred pronouns among the LGBTQ+ crowd, but then when they go out in the non-LGBTQ+ crowd, they will prefer to be called normal, so it allows them to conform with society and the general crowd,” she added. Aasheeka said using preferred pronouns, in general, will prevent people with preferred pronouns from socially isolating themselves. “I think it is progress to let the allies accept this new idea,” said Aasheeka when expressing her opinion about the shifts in attitudes about pronoun usage in Malaysia.
Aasheeka feels that the millennials and Gen Z have a positive reaction to this, but not for the older generation. "I think there is still a generational gap, and their thought of this is still negative," she said. However, she still has a positive view of generalising the pronoun in the future, "It may not happen just overnight, and it may take a long time, but it may take change". Aasheeka mentioned that the progress has been excellent compared to before the COVID-19 era.
Another university student, Kintan Myra Binti Ahmad Idham, 17, also agreed with Aasheeka that the younger generation is more aware of using pronouns than the older generation. She added, "It is mainly due to exposure on platforms like TikTok. I started getting acquainted with the concept of pronouns around 2020 when I noticed it trending on TikTok and when some of my friends are a part of the LGBTQ+ community."
As an ally, Myra highlighted the importance of using the correct pronouns in communication, "I make sure to know what pronouns my friends prefer through someone who knows them better." She shared her way to confirm someone's preferred pronouns. Myra agreed that it is essential for people unfamiliar with the LGBTQ+ community to listen, learn and respect them. "The general public should normalise the use of the preferred pronouns to foster comfortable surroundings for those unfamiliar with their biological self," added Myra.
There is still a big step to generalising the usage of pronouns and their importance in Malaysian society. It might be hard for our country that has non-tolerance to the LGBTQ+ community, but it still has a chance to seek a change. However, this probably needs years to implement, but it is not a mission impossible. With the understanding and effort between the LGBTQ+ community and the allies, there will be a day when we usher in victory.