Pride Pals Initiative
Profile Feature
Confessions of a
Malaysian Transgender
By: Jacquelyn Vun Xuan and Zoe Natasha Kam
Liew Tian Yuan, who wants to be known as Jenny, in her early 30’s, is a stylist who has experienced a profound journey of self-discovery. During her highschool years, Jenny understood that she identified as a woman, a realisation that stayed with her since she was a teenager.
Jenny's personal life photos
(Photo by Jenny’s Instagram, @jennybaby7271)
Jenny recalled the struggles she had with accepting herself as she prepared to transition. "I was pretty sure that I am a woman. I also had a hard time accepting myself before doing anything." Jenny mentioned that when she went into the beauty industry, some people suggested that she take hormone pills, and when she started using them, she saw the change. "As I slowly started taking hormone medication, I felt like there was a small amount of change in my body. I am not as obviously male as before." This made her start the first step towards transgenderism. "I started taking steps like getting double eyelid surgery, doing fillers, having my Adam's apple surgery, and for the chest, it is because I started taking hormone pills, so it grows naturally," she added.
When Jenny decided to go for surgery about 11 years ago, she found out most of the seniors around her had a different perspective with her, "Many seniors tell me not to bother with transgender surgery. They said that I am okay just the way I am." However, Jenny just listened to her own heart. Jenny did not let the concerns of seniors discourage her. Instead, she drew strength from those who recognised and cheered for her bravery and determination and went ahead with the surgery. "I am crystal clear that I am a woman, so I do not accept their advice," Jenny added.
Jenny was aware of the challenging nature of her chosen path, acknowledging that negative comments and moments of adversity are part of the journey. "I know taking this path comes with many negative comments, so I am okay with it." She revealed how a customer callously referred to her as "agua," a stigmatising word for transgenders, during a haircut session. While Jenny would have been enraged if she had responded angrily to the disrespectful remark, she chose not to. Although she occasionally faces difficulties, she remains humane, urging a genuine and respectful discourse, "Let us keep it real, do not get too worked up. Sometimes it is just disrespectful."
Jenny during her work as a stylist
(Photo by Jenny’s Instagram, @jennybaby7271)
As Jenny began to feel changes within herself and embraced her true identity as a girl, experimenting with makeup became a way for her to express this newfound self. However, she kept this aspect of her life a secret from her parents. "When they found out, they threw away all my makeup. After that, my dad started talking to me, telling me I could not do this." This incident led Jenny to restrain her self-expression and suppress her true identity, feeling constrained by her parent's disapproval. Explaining her decision to move out once she reached adulthood, Jenny stated, "The main reason that I moved out is because I felt that my parents did not fully accept me, and I needed time for them to process it."
Jenny's relationship with her parents underwent a significant shift when they first learned about her surgeries compared to their current perspective. Jenny said, "They were not exactly thrilled about it. My dad looked pretty furious, and my mom made it clear she was not accepting it.” Initially challenging for her parents, acceptance gradually emerged after subsequent surgeries and the passage of time. "They have come around about 50% now," Jenny remarked, illustrating her family's evolving acceptance. "And even though it is not a complete 100% acceptance yet, they still love me, and the surgeries have not changed their love for me." Their love for one another persisted amid lingering doubts, highlighting the importance of encouraging environments in coping with the challenges of change.
Jenny has also mentioned plans for vaginoplasty surgery, where she talks about saving up for it. "I have not gone for the final surgery yet because it's just too pricey. So right now, I'm planning for next July. It's going to be over 20k with the doctor's fees and everything," said Jenny. She was initially planning to do the surgery in March. However, she felt very conflicted at that time, "I knew that after the surgery, I would have a different identity. Moreover, I also have to work hard to save money. Then I thought, people who love me probably would not mind. I feel it is okay, and I want to do it," she said.
When questioned about the advice she would offer those embarking on a similar journey, Jenny said, "To those just starting on this path, do not assume your family will not support it and get overwhelmed immediately. First and foremost, it is important to avoid pressuring your parents to accept you immediately. Give them time to comprehend and process instead. Try not to press too hard, patience is essential. The family's mentality is the most important factor. Avoid circumstances that could lead to conflict and do your best to lead your family towards acceptance."